Donna Scott Therapy http://donnascotttherapy.com Delayed hope makes one sick at heart, but a fulfilled longing is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 --Call Me I Can Help (619) 500-4653 Mon, 05 Feb 2018 21:55:42 +0000 en hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.2 Discouraged? 3 Tips When You Want To Quit http://donnascotttherapy.com/2017/03/04/discouraged-3-tips-want-quit/ http://donnascotttherapy.com/2017/03/04/discouraged-3-tips-want-quit/#respond Sat, 04 Mar 2017 23:01:24 +0000 http://donnascotttherapy.com/?p=336 I pulled into the lot looking for the elusive parking spot. To my increasing dismay, my search was unproductive. Turn after turn, circling time and again, I could feel my frustration mount. I glanced sideways at my daughter, “What is going on? It is never this busy!” Then it dawned on us. “It’s January!” We […]

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I pulled into the lot looking for the elusive parking spot. To my increasing dismay, my search was unproductive. Turn after turn, circling time and again, I could feel my frustration mount. I glanced sideways at my daughter, “What is going on? It is never this busy!” Then it dawned on us. “It’s January!” We spoke in unison and understanding. New Year’s resolution, everyone wants to get healthy. “Give it a few weeks Mom, things will be back to normal before you know it.” Sure enough, it’s March, Resurrection Sunday (Easter) is on the way and this morning I had my pick of parking spots at the gym. What happened to all those health enthusiasts who began the year with great intentions? I can relate. So many times and so many goals I set for myself yet did not complete. I have been relatively faithful as a gym member for over a year. I wondered what helped me keep going in spite of the many mornings I wanted to hug my covers a little longer. Reflecting, I discovered three reasons to stay motivated.

  1. Know your why. It sounds like a good idea to lose weight, go back to school, pray more, memorize Scripture, organize your house, or ________ (fill in the blank). All of these are great decisions, but in order to take the great idea from lofty dream to new reality, you need a solid foundation, your why. My why for the treks to the gym stems from a desire to be a visual example of obedience to God. He reminds me that my temple, my body belongs to Him. When I make unhealthy choices, I am not doing what God had asked me to do. I am not taking care of my temple. Because I know my why, it helps keep me going. How about you? What do you desire to do? Pray and ask God to help you discover your why. Then seek Him for the encouragement and strength to do that thing.

 

  1. Set reasonable goals. I would love to lose a hundred pounds in two weeks but that is not very realistic, right? (Hey if God can raise the dead, He can make pounds disappear, but pardon me, I digress) Once you know your why, identify small specific steps to help you achieve it. My initial goal for the gym is three times per week. That is very doable for me. I look at my schedule and create a date with my mate, the gym. My average is really four days but meeting my three-day goal creates satisfaction and motivation to keep it up. Define clear cut steps to achieve your why and watch progress happen.

 

  1. Celebrate the victory. I don’t know about you, but I tend to beat myself up more for what I fail to do than recognize my accomplishments. Sound familiar? Sometimes my schedule gets so busy, like this week with three family members sick with the flu needing me to take care of them. I only made it to the gym twice. I started fretting, feeling I let myself down or even worse, I let God down. My daughter told me, “Mom! With your extra full schedule, you went to the gym two times! Cut yourself some slack, God understands.”  I realized in times past, I would have missed all week, but this time I did not and it felt great. I remember the smile spreading on my face and standing a little taller. Try this for yourself. Next time you want to chastise yourself for something, look for those moments of achievements and celebrate.

 

March is here. January is over but you still have the chance to strive for change in your life or perhaps the time for healing. Seek God’s direction for your why, set reasonable goals, and celebrate your victories. Who knows, you may be in the parking spot next to mine next time.

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When Your Holly is Not so Jolly… http://donnascotttherapy.com/2016/12/24/holly-not-jolly/ http://donnascotttherapy.com/2016/12/24/holly-not-jolly/#respond Sat, 24 Dec 2016 04:45:24 +0000 http://donnascotttherapy.com/?p=330  “Have a holly, jolly Christmas; It’s the best time of the year” is one of the many Christmas melodies that ring throughout this joyful holiday season. But what if this season is not so jolly? For some, Christmas is not the best time of the year.  Many dread the day for various reasons. Loneliness, missing […]

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holly-blog “Have a holly, jolly Christmas; It’s the best time of the year”
is one of the many Christmas melodies that ring throughout this joyful holiday season. But what if this season is not so jolly? For some, Christmas is not the best time of the year.  Many dread the day for various reasons. Loneliness, missing loved ones who have died, relationship break-ups, empty nest, are just a few of the causes people wear a smiling face to mask the pain inside. If you are one of those who struggles during the holidays, here are three ways to handle it.

  1. Reflect-Pay attention to the source of your pain. For example, if you are missing your loved one, take the time to cherish their memories. You may be surprised how healing it is to look through photos or videos and reminisce.
  2. Refresh-Take time to focus on self-care. Rest, eat healthy, and exercise. Do something that will bring a smile to your face, like a massage, bubble bath or mini getaway.
  3. Reconnect-When we hurt, we tend to isolate. Sometimes we keep silent because we do not think others will understand our pain or we are afraid others may become uncomfortable or upset. But aches grow in secrecy. Take the time to reach out to someone to meet for coffee or lunch. Or attend a play or movie. Reach out to a friend or relative you have not spoken to in a while. God created us for connection so give it chance.

During this holiday season take the time to reflect, refresh and reconnect and hopefully your jolly will get a little bit better.

 

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Don’t let anybody tell you it doesn’t hurt when it does hurt! http://donnascotttherapy.com/2016/10/11/dont-let-anybody-tell-you-it-doesnt-hurt-when-it-does-hurt/ http://donnascotttherapy.com/2016/10/11/dont-let-anybody-tell-you-it-doesnt-hurt-when-it-does-hurt/#respond Tue, 11 Oct 2016 22:48:43 +0000 http://donnascotttherapy.com/?p=244 OUCH!!!!! My brain screamed as pain shot through my arm. Think calm thoughts, breathe in deeply and out slowly but surely. I even practiced my Lamaze breathing, Hee- Hee -Ha, Hee- Hee- Ho, all to no avail. “There now, all done,” the nurse said cheerfully as she bandaged my arm. I left the nurses clinic, […]

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three-effective-ways-to-speak-up-when-you-are-hurtOUCH!!!!! My brain screamed as pain shot through my arm. Think calm thoughts, breathe in deeply and out slowly but surely. I even practiced my Lamaze breathing, Hee- Hee -Ha, Hee- Hee- Ho, all to no avail.

“There now, all done,” the nurse said cheerfully as she bandaged my arm. I left the nurses clinic, went to the bathroom and cried. The tears surprised me. After all, I’ve had plenty of injections throughout my lifetime from the huge needle piercing my gums to the vaccinations designed to protect me from disease. The nurse tried to help me feel better, but I felt worse instead. Has this ever happened to you? If so, let me share three ways to ask for what you need when you are hurt.

  1. Acknowledge the pain. As women, we tend to minimize our wounds. We feel it, then bury it and move on to the next thing. Before we can ask for support or comfort, we have to recognize an injury has occurred. For example, I could have let the tears flow from the burn of the shot, instead of trying to tell myself, its not so bad.
    2. Address the pain. Once we realize the hurt, then we need to identify the cause of the bruise. Think about it. Sometimes we know something is wrong but the puzzle is why something is wrong. The nurse was incorrect when she told me about my fear. This upset me more because I was not afraid and I did not feel comforted.
    3. Answer the pain. This is the opportunity to ask for what you desire for comfort when hurting. Be specific and clear. I could have told the nurse, “I was not scared, needles don’t bother me (maybe a little). Better if you massaged my arm and said, “I can tell that was rough for you, I’m sorry. Are you okay now?” In that moment, I needed empathy, not correction.
    The next time you experience discomfort, take a chance and ask for what you need. As for me, the next time I need a shot I may ask for another nurse!

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Donna Scott Therapy- Healing Moments http://donnascotttherapy.com/2016/03/08/238/ http://donnascotttherapy.com/2016/03/08/238/#respond Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:16:37 +0000 http://donnascotttherapy.com/?p=238 I was sitting in worship service on a bright San Diego Sunday morning enjoying the sermon when the Pastor stated, “Nancy Reagan died this morning.” I was really into the message about serving God while you have time, so it took my brain a minute to register what he said. Wait, what? Nancy Reagan is […]

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Grief Moments (2)I was sitting in worship service on a bright San Diego Sunday morning enjoying the sermon when the Pastor stated, “Nancy Reagan died this morning.” I was really into the message about serving God while you have time, so it took my brain a minute to register what he said. Wait, what? Nancy Reagan is dead? Immediately, I felt this tug in my chest and recognized I felt a pinch of sadness which surprised me. I did not know her personally, after all I was only a child when she became First Lady of California. I was entering adulthood when she became First Lady of the United States. I realize my tug, my pinch, is nothing compared to the sorrow of those who loved and was loved by her. Then I reflected on how difficult it is to find the right words of comfort for someone who is grieving. I discovered this article by Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative which gave six tips on what to say to someone who is grieving. We know nothing will take the pain away but it helps to be able share it with someone who shows they care. A shared pain creates a healing moment and for that segment of time it gets a little better. And that healing moment helps the hurting make it, one moment at a time.

Six Helpful Things You Can Do/Say if Someone You Know Is Grieving:

1. Ask, “How are you doing?” Then listen patiently to the answer without changing the subject or terminating the conversation. Create a safe space for them to talk about their experience if they would like to. You might feel honored that they trusted you enough to give an honest answer if it’s something other than “Fine.”

2. Say that you just found out about their loss. Rather than the obligatory “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “I’m sorry that your marriage didn’t work out for you,” try this instead: “I can’t imagine what this is like for you,” followed by “How are you doing?” Everyone’s grief is different. Even if you’ve experienced loss, you don’t know how they feel. Let them tell you about it in their own words.

3. Stay away from offering clichés like, “You were lucky to have the time you had,” “She’s with the angels now,” etc. It doesn’t help to have you try to rationalize away someone’s grief. If you’re not sure what to say, go back to tip #2 above.

4. “I’d like to help. Would you like me to __________?” Insert specific tasks that you are willing to do that you think might be helpful. You could suggest something like “mow the lawn, walk the dog, watch the baby, sit with you, help you clear the garage,” etc. Then show up and do it if the answer is “Yes.” Try to avoid the offhand, “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.” No one believes you really mean it and that puts the burden on the griever to think of something for you to do. They don’t have the energy for that.

5. When someone cries in front of you, all you have to do is stay put and say something in a soothing voice like, “It’s OK….let that out….I’m here for you.” Comforting them with a touch on the arm or a hug is great too. Just do your best to stay present and don’t try to “fix” it. Don’t hand them a tissue unless they ask for it. The tears will come to a natural completion of their own accord.

6. Do your best to keep your relationship intact. Avoiding a grieving person because it’s uncomfortable for you to be with them is hard for them. You can imagine the feelings of isolation they would be feeling if everyone in their lives reacted this way. It’s OK to say the name of the person that is gone. It’s OK to ask what happened. It’s OK to talk about the strangeness of it all. It’s even OK to cry in front of them or with them. Your silence and avoidance is what’s really painful.

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Donna Scott Therapy- Welcome to Donna’s New Website! http://donnascotttherapy.com/2015/11/25/welcome-to-donnas-new-website/ http://donnascotttherapy.com/2015/11/25/welcome-to-donnas-new-website/#respond Wed, 25 Nov 2015 22:33:07 +0000 http://donnascotttherapy.com/?p=173 Thank you for checking out my new website just in time for the busy holiday season. We have just celebrated Thanksgiving,and for many Black Friday was a party time as well. While many look forward to the joy of Christmas, there are other who see the holidays as a painful trigger. Instead of joy, they experience […]

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Christmas
Thank you for checking out my new website just in time for the busy holiday season. We have just celebrated Thanksgiving,and for many Black Friday was a party time as well. While many look forward to the joy of Christmas, there are other who see the holidays as a painful trigger. Instead of joy, they experience feelings of sadness, depression, isolation, grief, loneliness, anxiety and stress. If you or someone you care about is struggling with this, please read this article from the Mayo clinic for helpful tips.

Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping

Stress and depression can ruin your holidays and hurt your health. Being realistic, planning ahead and seeking support can help ward off stress and depression.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

The holiday season often brings unwelcome guests — stress and depression. And it’s no wonder. The holidays present a dizzying array of demands — parties, shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining, to name just a few.

But with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.

Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression

When stress is at its peak, it’s hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.

    1. Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, realize that it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.
    2. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
    3. Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can’t come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos.
    4. Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.
    5. Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts.

Try these alternatives:

    • Donate to a charity in someone’s name.
    • Give homemade gifts.
    • Start a family gift exchange.
  1. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That’ll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
  2. Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. If it’s not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
  3. Don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.Try these suggestions:
    • Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks.
    • Get plenty of sleep.
    • Incorporate regular physical activity into each day.
  4. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.Some options may include:
    • Taking a walk at night and stargazing.
    • Listening to soothing music.
    • Getting a massage.
    • Reading a book.
  5. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

If #5 applies, feel free to call me at 619-500-4653. I would love the opportunity to help you navigate what could be a tough season. Blessings to you and yours as we celebrate the birth of our Savior.

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